Happy Easter!

Wishing you and yours a blessed Easter Sunday. He has risen!

Happy Easter my substack friends!

Today is a day of joy, celebration, family, church, brunch and most importantly the recognition of Christ’s resurrection from the dead after his crucifixion. This day signifies so much - including the signification of Jesus divinity, triumph over death and eternal life for all believers in Christ.

Some of you may be attending Church, some of you may not be celebrating at all. Whatever today is for you, I hope that you have a moment to take today to breathe and recognize how fleeting and precious our time in this world is - and that no matter what we have so much to be grateful for. It is truly a blessing just to be alive.

A lot of people have asked me recently about my faith, my relationship with Jesus and how I got here. I got into it the deepest I have in a long time on my friend Sage Steele’s podcast which you can watch here:

I was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona in the Baptist faith and attended North Phoenix Baptist Church growing up as a family. North Phoenix Baptist Church is truly an incredibly place of worship and the current lead Pastor Noe Garcia is incredible. He lead my father’s funeral in Phoenix and truly did a spectacular job. I still consider myself baptist, although Ben is Anglican. We attend a Baptist church as family and I still prefer it to all others (although obviously all are good and this is a personal choice).

There was a period of time for me in College where I swayed away from Jesus and the Church for all the reasons rebellious people in their twenties do, but I still eventually found my way back. Of all things, moving to Los Angeles and finding a community and church to attend while I lived there was very helpful and refreshing. I remember dating different guys during that time who were either not strong in any faith, were atheist, or of another faith - and always finding that at the core of our relationships, things just felt empty. When I first met Ben almost ten years ago, we talked about loving Christ and being pro-life on our first date over oysters and proesecco at The Beatrice Inn. I can remember thinking that this guy felt different and what a wonderful experience it was to talk so openly about God and faith on a date as opposed to stifling my spiritual life as I had done before. Ben also said he was 34 and taking life seriously and wanted to be with a woman who also took life seriously. It was the first relationship I had been in where our shared faith became an anchor for our relationship.

As I spoke with Sage on her show, I had a true crisis of faith and became very angry and resentful of God when my Dad was diagnosed with brain cancer. This is not something I am proud of but it is the truth. My Dad had glioblastoma semaphore stage four and for anyone who is familiar, this cancer it is a death sentence. The process of his diagnosis, becoming a caregiver and watching him slowly die gutted me and my grief was so overwhelming I wanted nothing to do with God and felt betrayed by him. I was furious, I didn’t know if I could still believe and just wanted nothing to do with the Church anymore. For some people times like this draw them closer to God, for me it made me reject him. I stopped going to church, I stopped praying, I stopped caring about having any kind of relationship with Christ. Everything felt fleeting and meaningless.

I did everything I could think of after my dad’s passing to get better from my overwhelming grief, to distract myself and somehow to be less sad. Medication, therapy, grief counseling, tequila, vacations, expensive clothes, trips to Vegas, poker, and while some things worked as a band aid at the moment, none of it worked long term. I would always inevitably still end up waking up at four in the morning to go cry in the bathroom - sometimes with a splitting hangover. All of the things I was buying, doing, drinking did nothing to heal me - but seemed to leave me even more wounded and raw. I was flailing and thrashing around life rudderless and angry at everyone and everything.

A close friend delicately suggested I try Church again and I got angry. I didn’t think I could handle it, I thought my relationship with God was over and I would become a non believer or at the very least agnostic. I honestly didn’t think I had a place in that space anymore. I told her it wasn’t for me anymore.

Eventually after a lot, a lot, a lot of coaxing, I begrudgingly went with Ben. I was really shocked that after my first sermon, I did feel better and lighter. In the ocean waves of grief I had forgotten the clearest message that when we are put through terrible things and challenges, this is where faith comes in. That the point of all of this is that I am not in control, but God is. That Christ died for our sins and promises us everlasting life as a result. That the only thing I hadn’t really tried was ultimate surrender and putting my life back in God’s hands. It was the first time I really felt a piece of light again.

My journey back to Christ wasn’t simple or immediate, but it did happen. I had other events test my faith including Covid and leaving The View. These times I started asking God for guidance.

Ben and I started praying as a family a lot. I got pregnant. I now have two beautiful children. This was not an easy process but today, I feel that truly back I am back in God’s loving arms and it is the most important thing in my life. It is the anchor in which everything else is supported.

The true salvation for me is knowing that my Dad is with Christ and is without pain, in the promised land and someday I will join him. Because I am a believer, just as my Dad was. It is another thing I had forgotten. One of my Dad’s best friend’s last words were “I’m going home”. I have core memories of talking about that with my Dad after his friend died and now that is what gives my heart pace. My Dad is home.

This does not mean that my life is perfect every day, or I still don’t have moments that challenge, disappoint and anger. However, now a quote that stays with me in these times is:

“When you’re hanging on by a thread, make sure it’s the hem of his garment”.

I love God, I love Jesus and at forty years old I truly feel I am exactly where I need to be in my relationship with both. I am so proud I can present this foundation for my children, Ben, our friends and just in life in general. If you struggle or have crisis of faith, please give yourself grace and know Gods love is eternal and will always be waiting for you…and it’s okay if it takes a beat to get there. Life isn’t a straight line and God does not demand perfection.

I wish you all a wonderful, peaceful, Happy Easter!

He has risen!

Love,

Meghan

P.S. Below are some private family photos from our spring break vacation to Virginia Beach!