What I Have Learned: 40 Things at 40

“Don't be afraid of discomfort. It can be a useful tool.”

As I spend today celebrating the big 4-0, I can't help but reflect on the journey that got me here. I am not going to lie to you, I have surprised myself recently about how up in my feelings and nervous I have been about turning forty. I keep thinking about that Judd Apatow movie "This is 40" that came out many years ago where the forty-year-old parents spent most of the movie angry, bickering, and seemed quite frankly pretty joyless in general. I hated the movie at the time and refused to watch it again as I hit this milestone. I can't escape the fact that there are so many stereotypes in entertainment and media about middle age that are really unpleasant, which I guess I officially am now. However, as this day has finally arrived I am choosing to celebrate all the amazing experiences, lessons, and adversity that got me here to this very place at this very moment. Some of these experiences have left both literal and metaphorical scars but I can honestly sit here and tell you, I would do nothing different and have it no other way. All I feel right now is how lucky and blessed I am to live the life I get to live and still have people like you who still care about what I have to say. I am so happy to be here - in all ways a person can be.

Today I am going to be spending my day with my children and husband. We are going to get brunch in the morning with the girls and then later tonight Ben and I are going to one of our favorite places in Virginia for a night away and a wonderful seasonal dinner that I have been salivating over the menu for weeks (I love anything seasonal, especially when it comes to food and decor). We originally planned a fancy trip to New York for a few days and then I got too sad at the idea of turning forty without my babies Liberty and Clover around to celebrate it with me, so we canceled it. I think the current plan is absolutely perfect.

So on this day, my fortieth birthday on this planet, my present to all of you is sharing forty very large, and very small lessons and pearls of wisdom that I have picked up along the way. My thirties were intense, chaotic, painful, and beautiful all rolled into one big, wild ball. I have sprouted out and grown in all directions over the past ten years and my birthday wish is I truly hope my forties are just as memorable, albeit a little less tumultuous as the last decade has been…

What I have learned, 40 things at 40: 

1. As Rocky Balboa says: "It's not how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." Yes, Rocky Balboa is a fictional character but this quote and line of thinking has gotten me through many moments over the past ten years (both publicly and privately) I thought would break me. Life is going to hit all of us at different times in different ways, and for me, the only thing that matters and pushes you through is the resilience to keep moving forward.

2. I think it's important to learn to cook a few dishes well. You don't have to be a chef but it's good to have a few in your back pocket. For me, that is a nice roast chicken (specifically Ina Garten's lemon chicken with croutons), a lasagna, and a grilled salmon. Those three meals can get you through hosting any dinner party, date night, or holiday.

3. Invest in classic shoes but when it comes to trends - go with Steve Madden or a knockoff. Don't spend your hard-earned money on pricey seasonal shoes that won't be in style in a year, I assure you IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

4. You have to take fertility and family planning as seriously as you do your career. This was hard advice for me to take but now I am so grateful at this point in my life I did. The biological clock is real, and it's a bitch.

5. Social media isn't real life - particularly Twitter.

6. There's no such thing as failure. Buy the ticket, take the ride. Shoot your shot. It truly is better to try and not succeed than not try at all. Life is nine rounds and every one isn’t going to be a knockout punch.

7. Do not get a foot tattoo on spring break. Or any tattoo on spring break. Take tattoos seriously and research a good artist and studio before taking the plunge. 

8. Always trust your intuition and gut instinct. This took me time but if your body, mind and spirit is sending you alarm bells, it means something is off or wrong. Listen to it. The worst trouble I've ever gotten in was because I didn't listen to what my intuition was telling me.

9. Prayer works and God has a sense of humor.

10. It's okay to be a lover, not a fighter, but also a fighter.

11. Legacy media is a festering carcass. In the next 10 years by the time I am 50, network news, morning shows, and journalism as we see it will cease to exist in any form we recognize now - and this is a good thing.

12. It is better to work with good people and make less money than to work with bad people and make more.

13. Don't be afraid of discomfort. It can be a useful tool.

14. Invest in your skin. Spend money on high-quality products and facials. Never, ever, ever, ever go to sleep with your makeup on. Use an oil and a moisturizer at night. Let your skin breathe and don't wear makeup unless you have to. Wear as much sunscreen as you can. Your skin is an organ and should be treated like one. I have never had a needle touch my face and am proud I got to forty and never felt the need to.

15. Children are pure love and magic, anyone telling you differently is just wrong.

16. Don't trust boomers in power. They do not have our best interests at heart and have destroyed a lot of America. It is up to us to rebuild.

17. When in doubt, get out in nature as much as you can. It will solve a lot of problems, clear your head, and will remind you of what is really important.

18. Grief never ever goes away, it is a monster you learn to live with - but the monster settles down and at a certain point it gets quieter and will leave you alone the majority of the time.

19. Whenever you see someone in uniform, thank them for their service. Buy them a drink, let them sit in your seat, do something big or something small. Everything the men and women of our armed forces do makes my and your life possible every day. They sacrifice more than any of us do and the world doesn't thank them enough.

20. Trump broke a lot of people's brains, but he didn't break mine even though I probably have more reason than they do to have it broken. I am extremely proud of that. Politics doesn’t have to break you or us. Just keep fighting. 

21. Anthony Bourdain had the best hangover cure - hot spicy Chinese Szechuan, a Coke, and an aspirin (he also said to smoke a joint but I don't use marijuana). I actually have found hot spicy Chinese Szechuan and a Coke helps with jet lag, regaining my taste buds after COVID, and is the perfect meal after any long day of travel when you arrive home. My go to order is chicken fried rice, mapo tofu, and an egg roll (sometimes I add green beans). Try it, it's a fantastic and effective  combination and I wish I could thank Anthony for it today.

22. It's okay to be a nepo baby as long as you recognize you're a nepo baby. People just get mad when you don’t recognize you’ve been handed more opportunities than 99% of the population.

23. It is not worth letting political differences impact your personal life unless someone has done something morally compromising. Some of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life vehemently disagree with my politics.

24. Pick a partner that you have shared interests with. Ben and I have a wonderful baseline of love and respect, but I also want his perspective on daily news and politics every morning and night. Literally every morning and every night.

25. My idea of paradise is in the morning with my daughters and Ben eating breakfast and drinking coffee. It’s cliche but family and friends are truly the only thing that matters. 

26. Use magnetic onesies for a newborn, not zippers. Our favorite is the brand "Magnetic Me". They save your life as a new parent! Just trust me.

27. If you don't know what to do and are able - go to Sedona. Go to Sedona if you're happy, go to Sedona if you're sad, go to Sedona for your wedding, go to Sedona for vacation. It is the most magical, healing, spectacular place on all of planet Earth and there is a lot of folklore in the canyons and vortex I have found to be true.

28. I believe in having crystals around and getting my chart read at least once a year. My astrologer is named Jade Luna and he is incredible.

29. Big government is very dangerous and anyone telling you differently is benefiting off of big government.

30. The Big Lebowski, Clue and It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World are perfect movies for any occasion.

31. Old Navy, Target and H&M have the best kids clothes. There is no need to spend a lot of money on children's clothing - they just trash it and grow so fast it doesn't last.

32. Being on TV every day is overrated.

33. What other people think of me is none of my business unless you are related to me or someone I text every week.

34. Get a good lawyer. 

35. Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you.

36. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Truly, try and live every day like it is the last if you can. The small stuff doesn't matter and everything passes. 

37. People remember the way you made them feel and vice versa, you will always remember the way people made you feel. How much vibes matter is underrated.

38. Some of the smartest people I’ve ever known were college dropouts or went to community colleges. Some of the most incompetent went to ivy leagues. Colleges, particularly elite colleges are not the calling cards they once were.

39. Prioritize your health. Always get it checked out, listen to your body, get mammograms, bloodwork and make sure to get your moles screened for skin cancer once a year.

40. It's a gift and a privilege to be here.

I'd love to hear about a life lesson you've learned! Maybe it's something that shifted your outlook or a tough moment that helped you grow. Drop your story in the comments—let's inspire each other!